Tremendous loss hovers around my soul
I feel it so acutely it might as well have been a slice of my heart
                Do you feel that?
Its the waves of possibilities nearly washing over us
You look at me,
    eyes so intent,
        smile playing on your lips,
            comfort seizing your muscles
I wonder despite your air of ease if your mind is
a crashing space of thought like mine
You are still and your eyes are begging to be met by mine
When they do you read me so completely
                  And against my wishes I look away,
Riddled with confusion as to why
The intimacy of being seen after so long being the servant in the background
You haven't waited till the last moment to let me know I matter
                                                            The challenge
of telling your humble self how you are my year culminating to its end,
to say to you how I tried on innocent fantasies
             so in the deep of night I might survive   
                        I am here
and I consume bits of your essence, ever hungry
for the knowledge of what and who you are
In moments of truth you trick me with kindness to tell you my secrets
I put things simply,
you see them truly.
Panic ensues when I realize the boat is coming into port
Your eyes close,
My heart stops.
You hold me long enough to say goodbye
And that is when I break,
                                      nay,
                                            shatter like ice to the ground
my hands shake as I feel you writing the last sentence in the book
of my year
I am here and I sip away at my nameless loss
                           and realize I am not finished

A Departing Update

My service goals include:
finish book 1 study circle-well...we didn't finish the book as they were too concerned with the fact i was leaving
finish book 2 study circle-finished the book!! now the partcipants are doing home visits weekly! yay!!
finish book 3 study circle-partcipant moved away...
finish book 4 study circle-yes!! finished it!!
do a book 6 intensive-okay, didn't really happen. It was open to people..but no body came...
teach three more children's classes at the Baha'i Center-yes sir!/maam!
go to two more devotionals at Tom's house-did this, they were fantastic...I shall miss them...
go to Rose's fireside three more times-I will dearly dearly miss this...my heart sighs at these fantastic people I will not see on a weekly basis anymore..
have arts and crafts virtue classes three more times- oh man, today was the last one...didn't quite work out as the students moments before I got there decided to play in a mud puddle...instead they took a bath while I shared music with their parents.
have three more junior youth classes-my last one is this friday. I will miss those kids!! I'm making bracelets for them as good-bye gifts! I have to leave my little sister...sigh...
have a few random devotionals- we had one last night and it was great! Tom, Lev, Nicole, Anna and myself were there and then we went to denny's afterwards minus Tom. When we were there we ran into Mike and Rachel. Rachel and I were estatic and ran to each other as earlier that day we thought we had said our last goodbyes.

Other goals, and their likelihood, are as follows:
Arboretum-98% likely-Success!!! Anna and I had a picnic and worked on book 4 here...it was quite lovely..Lev joined us for book 4, Lev pointed out that the arb is more like a tree muesuem.
The Ark-okay, i already went...but I wasn't even living in the Ann Arbor area yet! 92% likely-did not happen...pinball petes and hookah instead...sadly...
Crazy Wisdom-once again, have been here...but would like to go again...90% likely-still a possiblity, we'll see
Kerrytown-89% likely-I kinda drove through it...and I realized as I did that I had been there before...the day the women came off the street to meet me.
Purple Rose Theater-19% likely-yeah, not gonna happen. tickets to that thing are mucho dinero. well. more than i am willing to spend at the moment.
Botanical Gardens- 98% likely-Oh man, it happened but how can I explain how much not like a garden this place was? I swear, it was like being back in Kansas...that's how much praire this place has. Flowers I saw? None. None!! Not even little sprouts threatening to come up. Just long grasses.
Stucchi's-97% likely-Not yet...but I'm not too concerned...
Zingerman's-80% likely-Probably not going to happen
See Joe Reilly's show-98%-twice!!!

T Minus 19 Days

'19 days?' you wonder while reading the title of this post. Yes, 19 days until I retreat from the harsh ever present clouds and wind of Michigan. 19 days until I return to my home in Overland Park Kansas. With so little time left, I need to be using my time wisely.

My service goals include:

• finish book 1 study circle
• finish book 2 study circle
• finish book 2 study circle
• finish book 4 study circle
• do a book 6 intensive
• teach three more children's classes at the Baha'i Center
• go to two more devotionals at Tom's house
• go to Rose's fireside three more times
• have arts and crafts virtue classes three more times
• have three more junior youth classes
  
• have a few random devotionals

Other goals, and their likelihood, are as follows:

• Arboretum-98% likely
• The Ark-okay, i already went...but I wasn't even living in the Ann Arbor area yet! 92% likely
• Crazy Wisdom-once again, have been here...but would like to go again...90% likely
• Kerrytown-89% likely
• Purple Rose Theater-19% likely
• Botanical Gardens- 98% likely
• Stucchi's-97% likely
• Zingerman's-80% likely
• See Joe Reilly's show-98%

It was the Buzz that would not End!

I awake to find myself completely exhausted. It seems I have not been able to have a good nights sleep in months.

But this is no problem, this tiredness, because I have the power of coffee! And the day before I had just purchased said coffee. I drink two cups of joe and head, do yoga for quite some time, make a fruit salad and go to a picnic.

After a couple lazy hours in the sun with friends I realize I am still tired. Not only that but I am going on a home visit at 4 and then have a study circle at 7:00 so I need some sort of energy. Anna and I go to Portofino's Coffee House (I finally found a coffee shop!).

I consume a good amount of coffee there and then am ready for my home visit! And what a visit it was! We started out with dinner, homemade Ethiopian cuisine. Nigsty is very worried about her English so she had her two daughters stay and tell me stories. It was fantastic. Then Nigsty began to roast her own coffee beans, a custom when having guests. We watched a Canadian version of Candid Camera while drinking coffee. Very delicious, very strong.

There were so many different flavors in this small cup. What I didn't know about the custom, as she offered me more, was that after my second cup she would boil the coffee again and then I would have another cup of coffee. When that third cup was done, she would boil the coffee a final time and then serve me one more time. So when I was finished with this fourth cup it was 7 and I was completely wired. I was not aware of this though and said my goodbyes and thank yous and rushed on to my study circle.

The study circle is at Caribou Coffee and my two participants are inside waiting for me. I run in and explain the situation to them. Unfortunately it came out something like this:

"Sorrysomuchiwasatahomevisitanditstheircustomtoservecoffeeandfirstsheroasteditandthenihadfour
cupsbecauseyouhavetoboilitthreetimessoi'mreallysorryiwaslatei'mjustgonnagetsomethingtodrink
butidon'tthinkthati'llhaveanythingwithcaffeinecuzithinki'vehadenoughsorryagaintokeepyouwaiting."

Now, not only my table, but the girl next to us started laughing. I don't mean a few chuckles, i mean, trying to stay on their chairs laughing. They took out cell phones and started filming me. I turned around jumped (according to them) 12 inches in the air and ran the two feet to the counter to order. The barista was highly amused and suggested decaf. I accepted.

When our study circle was over, the participants were worried that my jittery foot would get me in an accident on my way home. I called a friend and we hung out until I chilled out...a lot. I couldn't get to sleep for quite a few hours and then woke up much earlier than I had intended.

At least I made people laugh.

Moving, its my new hobby

That's right. Three moves in seven months! How awesome, and not at all stressful, is that?! Plus, I'm going home really soon...as in two days from now. That's really all I have to say...except that in case anyone is concerned my tail bone is almost all the way healed. Yay!



Neda and me all dressed up during intermission of Respect-a musical written by a Baha'i Dr.

This is when we went to the hookah bar. Ahang & Neda
Char and I attempt to read Ahang's palm

And apparently his palm was really funny...I don't remember why

Then Ahang got on the phone, trying to hurry up his phone conversation, Neda took many photos...

Cast of Characters part 2

Pictures!!

Ahang and Kehan

Rachel and Nima. Rachel proving that Pink might very well rule the world in the game of RISK! (If you can see all the green on the board...yeah, that's me!...surrounded by ahangs pieces...)
Renan, Lev and Nima play Texas Hold'em. The big winner...Nima! Don't believe it? Look at the number of chips that man had!


Yes, that game night was a happy time for all of us...full of friendly vying and nachos, pink and blue armies and baklava, people we knew and strangers...

Ann Arbor, Ikea, and all things new

I live in Ann Arbor now. It is a fun college town with so much to do, talk about a severe contrast to davison/flint michigan. I am going to be moving into Jane's basement. We are converting it to my very own apartment!

SO I went to Ikea for my new stuff! Yay!! I swear that I got a headache as soon as i walked in. But I got some neat stuff for just $75!!!

Alright, there is a new cast of characters.

Jane: The woman I live with! She is a flight attendant for Spirit Airlines and has a daughter named Anya. Jane does dance and lots of art.

Anya: She is 4.5 and is active! She was not sure how she felt about me living with her, but after spending 5 days at Louhelen she came home and let me know that "i missed you. I missed you so much. SOO much." You may call me : Madeline, conquerer of hearts!

Megan: neighbor and confidedant of the jane/anya/madeline family. She is a dance healer and is just a lovely lady!

Mario: Megan's son who is 4.5. He is half persian so I am teaching him some farsi phrases. Anya and Mario are "brother" and "sister" and make sure everyone knows.

Char: Fantastical youth who is going to the University. She and I have many adventures and funnily enough most of those encounters include observing different running styles. We have noticed that running with backpacks is really in vogue.

Ahang: The friend who I go to long lengths for and who does the same for me. These amazing feats include but are not limited to driving someone to the mall at 11:00pm, driving someone to airport at 5:00 am, helping each other move in...you get the idea...i think.

Lev: So happy to find out that he was living here! I met him in Chicago and now we are both living here! Yay! He is the person I meet with to say "i want to serve!!!" and he says "booyah!!" or some such simliar phrase.

Cast of Characters part 2 will be coming once they get developed more.