Tremendous loss hovers around my soul
I feel it so acutely it might as well have been a slice of my heart
                Do you feel that?
Its the waves of possibilities nearly washing over us
You look at me,
    eyes so intent,
        smile playing on your lips,
            comfort seizing your muscles
I wonder despite your air of ease if your mind is
a crashing space of thought like mine
You are still and your eyes are begging to be met by mine
When they do you read me so completely
                  And against my wishes I look away,
Riddled with confusion as to why
The intimacy of being seen after so long being the servant in the background
You haven't waited till the last moment to let me know I matter
                                                            The challenge
of telling your humble self how you are my year culminating to its end,
to say to you how I tried on innocent fantasies
             so in the deep of night I might survive   
                        I am here
and I consume bits of your essence, ever hungry
for the knowledge of what and who you are
In moments of truth you trick me with kindness to tell you my secrets
I put things simply,
you see them truly.
Panic ensues when I realize the boat is coming into port
Your eyes close,
My heart stops.
You hold me long enough to say goodbye
And that is when I break,
                                      nay,
                                            shatter like ice to the ground
my hands shake as I feel you writing the last sentence in the book
of my year
I am here and I sip away at my nameless loss
                           and realize I am not finished