the thing about love is...you cannot just say "i love you" once and expect it to stay put. you have to say it. and say it. and say it. because though the meaning may not, the words wear away.

so what do you do when the object of your affection cannot comphrend your words? if you are me. you panic. and search and rack your brain for a way that you can have those words stay with them forever. i wish i could write it on their heart so that when they grow hopeless or any form of sadness, their heart will glow with the knowledge of my love.

i become irrational. i think of where i could hide a note he would find when he was mature enough to understand those three simple yet complex words. how could he know i didn't abandon him? how can he know that he is with me always?

it was my love that cradled him for eleven hours, for eight days. my love that hydrated him, helped his fever down, rushed him to the doctor. it was my love that embraced him that first time he was sick. and he will not remember. he will never know.

show yourselves!

I'm talking at my future.
The possible turns my life could take. I am sitting here, and I have no idea where I will be in 5 months. And i feel as if i should be a lot more worried than i am.

i don't know where i am going to school or where i am going to go serve. and i don't know for sure which comes first. and i'm not writing this for advice. to be perfectly and precisely honest that's the last thing i want.

Strange Satistics

Number of people who think i should try for the 2008 summer olympics in track: 2




Number of people who think i look like mandy moore: 5

Number of people who think i look like alicia witt: 1


Number of people who call me Kayla because they think I look like some actress by that name: 1

Number of times i have allowed myself to fill out a survey type thing on my blog: never...that is until now. sorry, but my brother tagged me!

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Baby-sitter extraordinaire, did this for 5-6 years before getting a "real"job. 2. server, cashier, "chef" and manager at Nature's Table Cafe 3. Cashier at Target 4. Nanny for two weeks...oh man...so painful
FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. The 'Burbs 2. Pride and Prejudice (old one, I'm talkin Colin Firth)3. Love Actually-i have to admit it 4. Donnie Darko
FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:
1. mother--sorry all, but i really haven't lived in very many different places 2. Pairie Village, Kansas 3.Overland Park, KS 4. Can I please please count the month I was in Arizona??!?otherwise i don't get four!!
FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE BUT WON'T ALWAYS ADMIT
1. The Simpsons 2. Friends 3. Arrested Development 4. Grey's Anatomy(I usually never admit to this)
FOUR PLACES I'VE VACATIONED
1. Israel 2. Sand Lake, Minnesota, braved sand monsters and all 3. Disneyland and the huge trip driving there which included Grand Canyon and lots of camping. and yes. corn. oh the corn. 4. San Diego
FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES:
1. spinach pasta 2. this one persian dish that grandma always makes for me...sadly can't eat it anymore what with being a veg-head 3. Falfel 4. mashed potatos and broccoli. This isn't a dish you say...oh, but isn't it?
FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY:
1. gmail.com 2. myspace- i hate admitting that 3. every once in a while my blog and my friendst blogs 4. friendster-hate admitting that too!! but i don't go there every day either..phew...feel a little better
FOUR PLACES I WISH I COULD BE RIGHT NOW:
1.One more car trip with my family, you know, those really awful crampt car trips? that takes days and days....2. Minnesota, the lake, with family. best thing ever. 3.Chicago. I love my brother. oh. and my many many friends that live up there. 4. the sewer!! hahahahhaha betcha didn't see that one coming!!
FOUR BLOGGERS I'M TAGGING:
1. Robbie, i don't know if he's been tagged, but he has been now 2. Sarah!because i want to tag her. 3. Zane, I am interested in what he will say. 4. Afsaneh. Bwahahahahahahahahhaha. come on, it's afsaneh!! the answers she will have...ohh...man.

Mini Conference

The mini conference everyone is talking about!

Where: Johnson County Community College in Overland Park Kansas, there will be signs up friday night indicating where to go for check in around the college. please remember check in begins at 5:00 and the program starts at 8:00.



When: Feb 24th-26th

Why: To re-fuel and revolutionize

Who: Youth and young adults (must be 15 or older to attend)

What: An INTENSE spiritual weekend


Begins Friday evening, check in begins at 5:00 pm, dinner will not be provided, program starts at 8:00 pm sharp.

Ends Sunday at 1:00 pm. A Johnson County Community Ayyam'i'ha party will follow, any youth who would like to attend are more than welcome to!

Prepare yourself for an intense weekend of study, service, and inspiriation.

We are doing everything in our power to make this a free conference, however, one lunch on sunday may need to be purchased by indivduals.

Registration has ended.

Things to bring:

1. Bedding

2. Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc)

3. a towel

4. a prayer book

5. $20

6. Good attitude!

Number of people registered: 52

Minis

OK. People are fans of mini versions of things. Don't believe me?





mini m&ms <<<



mini cooper>>>




<<< mini muffins







and mini animals>>>

Why not be a fan of a mini conference?

coming to kansas city feb. 24-27th

So. In the past month some things have changed. I graduated high school on December 21st and started working full time at Target. Yeah, that's right.

When I tell people that I've graduated from school and am working they smile and say,"Welcome to the real world" and I give a small laugh and nod. What I am actually thinking is,"I'm not in the real world. I'm pretending to be in the real world. I don't have to worry about paying rent, electricity, car payments, etc. I, Madeline Eileen Johnson, am a poser."

I have had some amusing times at work thus far. Here are my top 4 favorites.

1. A guy friend came over to my lane to let me know he'd be right back to give me a break, I had been helping out an older lady at the time. I turned to give her her change and one of the coins fell from my hand. "Whoops!" I said. "He made you all flustered didn't he?" She asked. I looked at her, confused. "OOh! I'm not going there! I haven't been there in 51 years!" Huzzah

2. I asked a mom if she wanted her milk in a sack. She looked confused momentarily and then said no. Her young son then asked her,"What does milk and sex mean?" She then explained that they were from Minnesota and did not use the word sack.

3. A young girl named Fatimah said hi to me, then blew me a kiss and then told me she loved me, all under the first 10 seconds of our meeting. It was really quite precious.

4. Got a job offer as a nanny while cashiering