It was just Sarah and I who were going to get the ice cream, leaving Navva and Corinne to listen to music in the car. We hopped out of the car and I held my hand out for her to hold on to it and we skipped/danced our way to the door. I saw a guy in a car looking at me in an unsavory way so I hurried us along. I took a bit longer than I normally would have to give the young man time to have driven off. We emerged from the gas station, Sarah triumphantly holding my hand as if to show the world how she did it, she mangaed to elcit an invitation from the big girls for an evening of fun. I was more timid, a feeling that was intensfied by spotting the man, now joined with a friend.
"Hey sweet thing!" the first one called at me. My face burned crimson. My hands shook as I fumbled with my keys, my back facing them as I opened the car door. "Nice view!" They hooted. My face held a look of swift arriving anger and as quickly as that look came, those two offenders drove off. I sat in my car with these three spiritual sisters of mine and a number of things floated to my mind. Being the oldest one there, I feel naturally responsible for the others. It is what Reed would call my mother hen mind set. I look in my rear view mirror and see Sarah. Her eyes are rounded with fear and concern. We start driving. "Sarah, what just happened is not okay." I use a firm voice. "If something like that ever happens you need to let your mom or Corinne know, alright?" She nods her head.
For the rest of the night, that event is on my mind. I think of my sister's post similar to what happened. More than anything I wish I would've reacted. Had time to react. I would have turned to them and said,"What gives you the right to say those things to me? What is it that makes you feel entitled to say that in front of that little soul? She is somebody's baby girl. I am somebody's baby girl. Would you want those unwanted looks to fall on your sister? For those comments to reach your girlfriend's ears? Would you not blush if your mother were present?"
So I lay a challenge at your doorstep. Before making a comment, before giving a look, see your sister, your brother, that person's parents in that body. Ask yourself how these people who you love would feel if such an action was imposed on them.
Know thou, O handmaid, that in the sight of Baha, women are accounted the same as men, and God hath created all humankind in His own image, and after His own likeness.
Abdu'l-Baha
4 comments:
It's so disappointing (and frustrating) that such abasement still lingers. I know you want to go back and tell them off, but I'm really glad that you didn't. You didn't acknowledge their comments. You didn't get carried away with anger. I think you were being a great role model for Sarah. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and for the situation to get worse and worse. Trust me. It always gets worse. That's why I'm so glad you chose the high road.
ahh... the high road...
is it the high road, i wonder. to not say a bloody thing when a guy goes around leching on others? it makes me so mad. because if you say nothing, you are saying something. you're saying "harass me. embarrass me. take advantage of me. look at me. whistle at me." It's not the same as another disparaging comment. Someone just being mean... Someone calling you a "bleeeeeeep" or a "bleeeping bleeeeeeep-head" They are using you against you. They are using your femininity against you. The fact that you were born female. something that makes you no better, no worse, but different. and they think they can take advantage of that. i know your feelings, madeline. what you said to sarah was perfect. as for what to say to them.... i don't know. and it makes me feel powerless. it seems a win-win for them. and i hate that.
David Hunt and Preema were just staying with us this week and we had breakfast on the porch and were discussing this very thing. One person at breakfast was saying that luckily these things are improving, but I'm not sure how far we've come. It is frustrating! Unbelievably humiliating and who knows what the right thing to do is? If you say something, will it escalate? Will they get out of the car? Will you be in more danger? Especially when there is more than one guy involved, then you have to worry about the group mentality thing. Those two men just contributed to your feeling of being less safe in the world. Of being less valued. This to me is equality. To feel equally safe to go out in the world to do something as simple as buy ice cream. We're not. We're just not.
I agree with Cait that what you said to the little one was important and right. It would be so nice if when she is 19, this sort of thing would be history.
In a side note, Price Chopper is gone.
Madeline, thanks for posting this. I've never been able to understand that knuckle-dragging behavior... Not even when I was a hormone-crazed adolescent. This is the kind of thing that I'd really like to see us men stand up and put a stop to - whenever we have the opportunity. I really appreciate what you said to your young companion. All in all, sweetheart, very well done.
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