The Thrilling Spark

2009-03-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

"Whoever is spared personal pain must feel himself called to help in diminishing the pain of others. We must all carry our share of the misery which lies upon the world." -Albert Schweitzer

I've been thinking a lot about the imprisoned Baha'is in Iran ever since the news came out that they were to be put on trial. I've been thinking about how strong they are, how steadfast. In the past when Baha'is have been imprisoned they have always been given the option to renounce their faith. I would assume this time is no different. It warms my heart to know they have remained centered in their Faith and love for God.

I have read the letter coming from the sister of one of the imprisoned Baha'is. My heart swells with love and appreciation. " I asked Mahvash what are you doing at the breakfast time during the fast. They give us hot tea and they will warm up the dinner that we have kept from last night. But we have not memorized the Dawn Prayer. Please read it on our behalf and tell people to pray for us during these times. We do feel the warmth of their prayers. Please express our greetings to all."

However, I do not feel that what I gain ends with admiration and personal strength. I do not even think it ends with gratitude and prayerfulness. I believe that through these series of events one can as a community grow stronger and more unified.

When I heard the news of the trial I was visibly upset. Housemates started stopping by, asking what the matter was. I shared with them the history of persecution of Baha'is in Iran and the current situation. The next day two of the girls shared something with me in return. One had told her friends what I had said and they said their prayers were with those in prison. The other had shared it in two of her classes. It was to be a topic of further discussion in at least one.

In the Lawrence community we have had several prayer gatherings for the Baha'is in Iran. It has been incredibly heartening to see that members of other faiths have come to join, no hesitation.

I feel that through these events I have become closer to people in my community. That we have had a new level of understanding of one another.

I continue to think a lot of the situation of the Baha'is in Iran and I continue to share it with others. Not only is it spreading awareness, something vitally important to the protection of these beloved souls, but it is also cultivating a new kind of community.

So share.

3 Quotes that Have Got Love All Wrong

2009-02-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

Alright, rest assured this is not some lame (please pronounce la-may) attempt at concealing some lame (pronounce lame) drama in my personal life. No, this was spurred by reading a love quote which is so not descriptive of love. That is why it is number one.

1. "Love means never having to say you're sorry." -love story, 1970

That should really be "Bitter hateful love means never having to say you're sorry because you don't respect the other person enough to tell them you are sorry."

2. "Why do I love you? Because you are and always have been my dream." <<<----I think it's okay if my significant other is not who I always dreamed him to be. Cuz then he would be Aladdin.

3. "Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."

Sometimes I feel like we try too hard at metaphors and such

So if you want an example of some nice love stuff click on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-aNJTY6JtM&feature=related

Books books books!!!

2008-07-20T18:50:00.001-07:00

So...I saw this everywhere...

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Italicize and bold the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who've only read 6 and force books upon them. (If you have not read The Handmaid's Tale or A Prayer for Owen Meany, please go to your local library right away.)

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible - God
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. 1984- George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

The Most Vaulable Thing I Teach is the 5 Second Rule

2008-07-04T07:10:00.008-07:00

I work with two year olds. Rest assured I am not making a whiny comparison between my co-workers and toddlers. Its just that I work with two year olds (to be precise, kids ages between 24 and 30 months). I have a total of 16 students but no more than 14 on any particular day. That's a lot of potty training. Some days the number of diapers I change gets to the range of 40. For a safer estimate of how many diapers I change, lets say that I change 25 each work day. I work Monday through Friday. That's about 125 a week, about 500 a month. Give or take of course.

That's right, I work at a nursery/daycare/preschool.

The kids are darling and I don't think I could conceive of a better job for me at this moment in my life. The greatest hilarity of my job is my job title. Assitant teacher. Mmmhmm. Teacher. So every day we have circle time (and I know what you are thinking, but no, we don't sit in a circle, we sit ON circles) and learn about different things. We count to ten in English and Spanish, sing the days of the week attempt to talk about colors in English and Spanish, and then we learn something about our theme of the week. This week and next week's themes are A Bug's Life. Then we do art projects revolving around that theme. All that takes about 30 minuntes. Because, hey, remember, they are two.

I don't think that I could have a much better entrance into work. I open the door and I hear a chorus of attempted "Madeline!"s none of which actually come out that way. And then a herd of toddlers running full speed towards me for hugs and kisses. And my exit from work? They leave one by one, blowing kisses and giving hugs and saying,"Byebye, love you Madeline" all in that fantastic toddler accent.

2008-03-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

I can't be a good student right now. I mean it. See, for some reason my university site that has all my assignments is down. Since I can't do my homework, I just can't be a good student right now. But that is alright. I'll post instead.

We had a speaker come to my Intro to Education class a while ago. He told us that fifty 80-year olds were interviewed and asked what three things did they wish they had done more of during their lives. I only remember two of them but I feel like that's because they are probably the two best. 1. Reflect more. Reflect more on the good moments you have, replay them, because you don't want to forget them when you need them most, when you are old. 2. Take more risks. The more risks you take the less you will regret and the more great memories you will have to reflect on.

So I've been reflecting a lot lately on fantastic moments I've had. And its been really fun. Now I'm ready to start doing things that scare me. Taking those risks. I've got some fantastical things lined up which I'm looking forward to in that slight scared way.

I realized that many people have these different ways of reaching out to others and encouraging them to do the things they never did. I did a google search and found some websites. Here are snippets of my favorite advices.

Save a life

Remember that a smart and sarcastic response is not called for in every situation!

The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts.

Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it exactly right means waiting for ever.

The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to listen to gossip.

Smoking is just dumb.

Wish I'd valued my work more highly earlier in my career

I wish I had shown more ‘unconditional love and acceptance’ of my family.

I would have eaten more ice cream. There are so many varieties and so little time!

All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it.

www.bspcn.com/2008/02/18/20-things-i-wish-i-had-known-when-starting-out-in-life/
http://www.lifestorywriting.net/woulda.htm
http://www.cameronmoll.com/archives/000036.html
http://www.writing.com/main/campfires/item_id/693282

Shells

2008-01-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

Surreal is the only word, however overused, that I can think of that can adequately describe my sense of being. Here I was, walking on the beach belonging to Florida's coast, my footsteps slightly slower than this boy I watched grow up. He's nearing thirteen which sounds incredulous to me. His mother comments on how along with this approaching age also comes a somewhat cantankerous attitude. Her choice of words remind me of a species of crab crawling out of its shell ever so slightly before returning to its dark home. In all seriousness we can see this boy being one of the most courteous, family conscious teenagers this side of the Mississippi.
I look down at my feet, the sand runs in and out between my toes and the waves lick my calves. Broken pieces of shell cover the ground like a mosaic. I look above me a ways and see the pieces make a design. At the very beginning of the beach they are whole shells, this subsides into large pieces which eventually breakdown into tiny pieces almost but not quite resembling sand. Once you are able to wade in the ocean, the shells are whole again. I pick one up.
It is my mother's shell. It isn't as whole and perfect as I wish it could be, but it belongs to her. While wet, the black, grey and white seem to mix perfectly into a marble. I smile as I grasp the shell in my palm. I glance at the sun which is not quite ready to make its rapid descent. I have time. I climb up the sand towards the full shells and smile at the boy as he runs a little too far into the ocean. There! I see it, it is such a strangely shaped shell, certainly not one that would be sold in a shop. It has rounded spikes colored coral and purple, white masking the rest. 'Werf' is the word that passes through my mind when I pick it up and it is Afsaneh's.
I glance up and breathe in the semi-salty air. I am almost positive that I am one of tens of thousands of people who have made the comparison, but holding these shells in my hand I cannot help but think that they resemble people. They are washed ashore as whole shells and gradually break down and return to the ocean. Each shell is an individual,though you might see several clam shells they are all different.
This thought ran rampant in my mind and I saw a blindingly white shell, perfection. That is what I want to grace her life, its been a difficult several months, so this shell is hers.
I knew that I could walk forever on this beach naming a shell for every person in my life but I stopped. My name was being called, my attention drawn to the sunset. Our eyes darted over the horizon wondering if the dolphins remembered their cue of the falling sun. I turned to his father, speechless for several breaths. His smile rippled into laughter at my obvious excitement of this moment. I know I am hooked. Hooked on this feeling of ecstasy and ease that took me over from my limbs to my soul. I feel if I stayed here long enough that I could find the whole meaning of life in that ocean.

The Answer to the Question that Hasn't Been Asked

2007-12-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

sitting on a ledge
legs swinging to tap out the beat
of confusion and pain
and I see you on the other
side of this chasm
back turned towards me
though this is nothing to do with me
wish I could finish this bridge that we started
but the pieces we valued seem to fall through
and break
my mind gets worse, most every sentence broken down
rearranged before understood
I'm exhausted from this circus of thought
but I will gladly shoulder any speech you would hand me
Arm stretches out,
trying to help you
wanting you to know how endlessly I love you
Its always autumn that causes the fall
know this and treasure our summer
but like the 1950's husband
you leave me in my home
mind only on business
I take the dishes and throw them off my ledge
watch them fall
wonder when they'll shatter

2007-10-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

they say it comes in three
so i wait, my heart bumping into my ribs
with the horrid anticipation
the eye is captivated when it rains
how a single rain drop joining the lake
affects everything
movement awakening each molecule to the newness
and the weight in my heart feels as if it could drown me
because I realize that just as a drop adds to the depth
and beauty of the water
eventually another will evaporate, return from where it came
the first shocked me with ferocity
and my careless hands burned against the heat of the pain
it is the sinless that never drop
my body seizes itself in the memory
and I wait for the rise of the call
I sit, watch the flower that had begun to uncurl its clasped petals
hour after moment pass
find myself wishing I was more numb than I am
the idea of twelve hours runs rampant in my mind
the amount one can accomplish in that gasp of time
how insufficient a timeline that is
and I stagger back into the mysterious grief
that is not my own
a messenger of joy comes in three
at least, that's what he warned me
were I stronger would I not deplore the loss so?
or would my heart be lost if it didn't grieve
and you already know that you ascended with love all around you
you beautiful stranger to this world
grow in the mysteries of that world
and we will pray

Explanation

2007-08-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

What is it that is defitionaly categorized as guilt or blame
In those moments that are snowballing into hours and days
I crave no explanation as my soul seems to cradle the situation
for the mystery of what it is
Only afterwards does my overly analytical self seek absolution
from actions my senses are almost positive are not crimes
and yet those analyzing warps of time like to trace over the
many lines of so many different paths that entered the realm of my possibilities
and I fall into bed with a mind running around in confusion
this is however, everything you are afraid to ask for
no dress-up or practicing of parts needed
no assembly required only a natural sense of being
A glaringly obvious parallel situation to another
I will continue to build up the sand castles knowing full well
their fragile state and not worry about the mess

Guess what guess what guess what!!!

2007-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

Melon learned how to drive a stick shift!!
It was crazy fun...my new friend jon taught me on his car. how brave! After my first classes we are going back out to practice, this time in a bigger parking lot. I'm excited! Everyone else...you have been warned...

2007-08-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

I'm falling faster than I ever remember having before
can't help to think how foolish since I don't know what I'm landing on.
Momentarily wish for the familiar childhood phrase "falling into cotton candy"
to once again be reality
And I think of my childhood and every moment leading up to right now
there are mistakes I have made that lay heavy around me like chains
Though words say "Let no excessive self criticism or any feelings of inadequacy,
inability or experience hinder you or cause you to be afraid." I drown in the weight of my deeds
Others seemingly have no qualms reminding me to wear these chains of pain
What we view as practical seems silly and constrained to me
I dream of transporting myself to an age where jolly ranchers make dreams come true
But in my actuality of being, I instead make wishes on bent pop tops and hard to open film canisters
I get nervous, flustered, discouraged and find a right to feel this in actions that now lie rotting
in forgotten fields
My mind reels at the statement I am refusing to make with my hiccuping words
For a battle that has barely started my body feels unjustly worn and frayed
Quick heart! Fight for yourself and I and wonder where we will land

so what if im a girl?

2007-07-03T16:26:00.000-07:00

Sew up your lips,
I'm coming around the corner
Play the man everyone falls into trust with
Be the friend who never fails to say hello
who holds your hand after a bad day
warn me who is about to hurt me for all the wrong reasons
tell me you would never have me decorate your apartment
waste over a year of my time
sailing on a ship built with rotting lies
And then it all rips up
I'm not the girl who puts herself on that shelf
Should have known sooner
Listened to my list of stereotypes
You could've fought harder
to be a man worth knowing
Couldn't you have tried harder
to live up to the words you spoke?
And I feel just a little too numb
the question floats to my mind
what does my gender have to do with simply being a friend?

tagged by my brotha

2007-06-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME.

I met one of my oldest dearest friends at my brothers baseball game...she had My Little Pony ponies...so I had to join in...
I have a weird puffy scar on my knee I got when I was three or four. I got it at the park after running around in circles after a dog.
By August 12th I will have moved five times in twelve and a half months.
I am known at several coffee shops as that girl that gets a medium sized chai. can you think of a better claim to no where near fame??
I made a pact towards the end of my freshmen year with my four closest friends that we would go to the island of nantucket for our senior spring break (we weren't interested in the drinking and such scene of most spring breaks, we wanted to do something meaningful ) We promised that even if we weren't friends anymore, we'd all end up there for that spring break...the next winter they were all still friends but I was not...senior year I graduated early...they did not. I do not know if they went to nantucket but i didn't have spring break....so I don't really know...
I ate too much honey dew melon at Louhelen Baha'i School so that I am now allergic to it. We only ate what was left in the fridge from the sessions and the chef went on a throwing all food out kick so we only had fruit for a while. I ate an entire honey dew melon for dinner one night. My throat gets extremely scratchy when I eat it now and the feeling lasts for the next day or two.
I have written songs about bathrooms, brushing hair, pasta, coffee, writing songs, israel, among other things...

octopus

2007-06-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

i was driving along and a truck pulled in front of me. not just any truck, but a cement truck. he started spraying black smoke into the air and immediately i saw the likeness of an octopus. so of course, i felt like a Morre eel trying to hunt the octopus, but the octopus was trying to get away!!

the octopus won.

oh animal planet, how you pervade my life...

Carving

2007-06-07T08:36:00.001-07:00

Summing up a full circle
Means breaking it into sectors
And as I struggle to break apart my service
To describe how I have grown
A few choice moments, phrases, colors and actions
Come undone, transforming into clarity.
"A wide latitude for action must be allowed them,
which means that a large margin for mistakes must also be allowed."
After these words shoot through my mind
I am transported from a destitute city
To a college town rich in something I am unsure of

All the while I am carving
Mindfully carving
who I am, what I will decide to be
and the path I will tread to get there.

I am taken, and I melt into a new family
Where the arts are used to show my potential
And I am revived for this next phase of my journey
My singing is resusictated, echoed in the voice of a child
And as I beg for more to be laid on my plate
I receive looks of incredulity, as they already know of my belongings,
5 circles, 2 classes, prayers and talks beside fire

All the while I am carving,
Mindfully carving,
Who I am, what I will decide to be
And the path I am trying to read to get there

While attempting to persuade others I always need to be in motion
I become stagnant with a cracked bone
New parts of myself are built up as I find I need to ask for help, chauffeurs,
Overcome with inactivity I realize this is just another lesson, and a blessing
That the Almighty has placed in my hands to mold as I will
And as the jewled words say
"If I could tell the world just one thing it would be we're all okay, and not to worry
cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. I won't be made useless,
wont be idle with despair, I will gather myself around my faith, light the darkness most fear."
I drive into a new home

All the while I am carving,
Mindfully carving
Who I am, what I will decide to be
And the path I am endlessly walking

I my new space there is a battle between ego and sense of service
Others judge and from the look on their face and waning interest
It is clear--what mark could I leave with my simple service?
I almost give in but a friend's words echo the truth
"A woman had a near death experience...went to the Abha Kingdom,
Baha'u'llah asked her what she thought her most important service had ever been.
No pause was needed as she stated her teaching trip across Central America.
Baha'u'allah smiled and asked if she remembered when she helped at a summer event
for autistic children. That that day, when she spoke so kindly to that boy, it was the first time
anyone had been sincerely kind to him. It had touched his soul. That was her greatest service."
I am reminded these ten months are between God and me.
It's a perfect day to be interuppted from thought at Caribou Coffee to be told I'm an
angel,
It's a perfect winter morning to be stopped in my tracks by a woman begging to talk
with me.
It's an extraordinary afternoon to be cut off while reading to be questioned about
my faith.
It's an ideal evening to be stopped because of the language that I speak.

All the while I am carving
Mindfully carving
Who I am, what I will decide to be
And the path I have formed

I look at my hands that have handled all these tests and bounties
And I place the sectors back together but they form a different circle than before
They proudly speak of detachment, perspective, new arenas of paitience,
and the stories of those that touched my heart, and those that I touched in turn
though the latter remian a mystery for the sake of my mind
I understand every moment better than I was scared to think I would
And I look back at my full circle with only love in my heart
"For, as the body of man depends for life upon the rays of the sun,
so cannot the celestial virtues grow in the soul without the raidiance of the Sun of Truth."

And all this while I've been carving,
And I offer you my heart thus far...

2007-05-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

Tremendous loss hovers around my soul
I feel it so acutely it might as well have been a slice of my heart
                Do you feel that?
Its the waves of possibilities nearly washing over us
You look at me,
    eyes so intent,
        smile playing on your lips,
            comfort seizing your muscles
I wonder despite your air of ease if your mind is
a crashing space of thought like mine
You are still and your eyes are begging to be met by mine
When they do you read me so completely
                  And against my wishes I look away,
Riddled with confusion as to why
The intimacy of being seen after so long being the servant in the background
You haven't waited till the last moment to let me know I matter
                                                            The challenge
of telling your humble self how you are my year culminating to its end,
to say to you how I tried on innocent fantasies
             so in the deep of night I might survive
                        I am here
and I consume bits of your essence, ever hungry
for the knowledge of what and who you are
In moments of truth you trick me with kindness to tell you my secrets
I put things simply,
you see them truly.
Panic ensues when I realize the boat is coming into port
Your eyes close,
My heart stops.
You hold me long enough to say goodbye
And that is when I break,
                                      nay,
                                            shatter like ice to the ground
my hands shake as I feel you writing the last sentence in the book
of my year
I am here and I sip away at my nameless loss
                           and realize I am not finished

A Departing Update

2007-05-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

My service goals include:
finish book 1 study circle-well...we didn't finish the book as they were too concerned with the fact i was leaving
finish book 2 study circle-finished the book!! now the partcipants are doing home visits weekly! yay!!
finish book 3 study circle-partcipant moved away...
finish book 4 study circle-yes!! finished it!!
do a book 6 intensive-okay, didn't really happen. It was open to people..but no body came...
teach three more children's classes at the Baha'i Center-yes sir!/maam!
go to two more devotionals at Tom's house-did this, they were fantastic...I shall miss them...
go to Rose's fireside three more times-I will dearly dearly miss this...my heart sighs at these fantastic people I will not see on a weekly basis anymore..
have arts and crafts virtue classes three more times- oh man, today was the last one...didn't quite work out as the students moments before I got there decided to play in a mud puddle...instead they took a bath while I shared music with their parents.
have three more junior youth classes-my last one is this friday. I will miss those kids!! I'm making bracelets for them as good-bye gifts! I have to leave my little sister...sigh...
have a few random devotionals- we had one last night and it was great! Tom, Lev, Nicole, Anna and myself were there and then we went to denny's afterwards minus Tom. When we were there we ran into Mike and Rachel. Rachel and I were estatic and ran to each other as earlier that day we thought we had said our last goodbyes.

Other goals, and their likelihood, are as follows:
Arboretum-98% likely-Success!!! Anna and I had a picnic and worked on book 4 here...it was quite lovely..Lev joined us for book 4, Lev pointed out that the arb is more like a tree muesuem.
The Ark-okay, i already went...but I wasn't even living in the Ann Arbor area yet! 92% likely-did not happen...pinball petes and hookah instead...sadly...
Crazy Wisdom-once again, have been here...but would like to go again...90% likely-still a possiblity, we'll see
Kerrytown-89% likely-I kinda drove through it...and I realized as I did that I had been there before...the day the women came off the street to meet me.
Purple Rose Theater-19% likely-yeah, not gonna happen. tickets to that thing are mucho dinero. well. more than i am willing to spend at the moment.
Botanical Gardens- 98% likely-Oh man, it happened but how can I explain how much not like a garden this place was? I swear, it was like being back in Kansas...that's how much praire this place has. Flowers I saw? None. None!! Not even little sprouts threatening to come up. Just long grasses.
Stucchi's-97% likely-Not yet...but I'm not too concerned...
Zingerman's-80% likely-Probably not going to happen
See Joe Reilly's show-98%-twice!!!

T Minus 19 Days

2007-04-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

'19 days?' you wonder while reading the title of this post. Yes, 19 days until I retreat from the harsh ever present clouds and wind of Michigan. 19 days until I return to my home in Overland Park Kansas. With so little time left, I need to be using my time wisely.

My service goals include:

finish book 1 study circle
finish book 2 study circle
finish book 2 study circle
finish book 4 study circle
do a book 6 intensive
teach three more children's classes at the Baha'i Center
go to two more devotionals at Tom's house
go to Rose's fireside three more times
have arts and crafts virtue classes three more times
have three more junior youth classes
have a few random devotionals

Other goals, and their likelihood, are as follows:

Arboretum-98% likely
The Ark-okay, i already went...but I wasn't even living in the Ann Arbor area yet! 92% likely
Crazy Wisdom-once again, have been here...but would like to go again...90% likely
Kerrytown-89% likely
Purple Rose Theater-19% likely
Botanical Gardens- 98% likely
Stucchi's-97% likely
Zingerman's-80% likely
See Joe Reilly's show-98%

It was the Buzz that would not End!

2007-03-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

I awake to find myself completely exhausted. It seems I have not been able to have a good nights sleep in months.

But this is no problem, this tiredness, because I have the power of coffee! And the day before I had just purchased said coffee. I drink two cups of joe and head, do yoga for quite some time, make a fruit salad and go to a picnic.

After a couple lazy hours in the sun with friends I realize I am still tired. Not only that but I am going on a home visit at 4 and then have a study circle at 7:00 so I need some sort of energy. Anna and I go to Portofino's Coffee House (I finally found a coffee shop!).

I consume a good amount of coffee there and then am ready for my home visit! And what a visit it was! We started out with dinner, homemade Ethiopian cuisine. Nigsty is very worried about her English so she had her two daughters stay and tell me stories. It was fantastic. Then Nigsty began to roast her own coffee beans, a custom when having guests. We watched a Canadian version of Candid Camera while drinking coffee. Very delicious, very strong.

There were so many different flavors in this small cup. What I didn't know about the custom, as she offered me more, was that after my second cup she would boil the coffee again and then I would have another cup of coffee. When that third cup was done, she would boil the coffee a final time and then serve me one more time. So when I was finished with this fourth cup it was 7 and I was completely wired. I was not aware of this though and said my goodbyes and thank yous and rushed on to my study circle.

The study circle is at Caribou Coffee and my two participants are inside waiting for me. I run in and explain the situation to them. Unfortunately it came out something like this:

"Sorrysomuchiwasatahomevisitanditstheircustomtoservecoffeeandfirstsheroasteditandthenihadfour
cupsbecauseyouhavetoboilitthreetimessoi'mreallysorryiwaslatei'mjustgonnagetsomethingtodrink
butidon'tthinkthati'llhaveanythingwithcaffeinecuzithinki'vehadenoughsorryagaintokeepyouwaiting."

Now, not only my table, but the girl next to us started laughing. I don't mean a few chuckles, i mean, trying to stay on their chairs laughing. They took out cell phones and started filming me. I turned around jumped (according to them) 12 inches in the air and ran the two feet to the counter to order. The barista was highly amused and suggested decaf. I accepted.

When our study circle was over, the participants were worried that my jittery foot would get me in an accident on my way home. I called a friend and we hung out until I chilled out...a lot. I couldn't get to sleep for quite a few hours and then woke up much earlier than I had intended.

At least I made people laugh.

Moving, its my new hobby

2007-02-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

That's right. Three moves in seven months! How awesome, and not at all stressful, is that?! Plus, I'm going home really soon...as in two days from now. That's really all I have to say...except that in case anyone is concerned my tail bone is almost all the way healed. Yay!

Neda and me all dressed up during intermission of Respect-a musical written by a Baha'i Dr.

This is when we went to the hookah bar. Ahang & Neda
Char and I attempt to read Ahang's palm

And apparently his palm was really funny...I don't remember why

Then Ahang got on the phone, trying to hurry up his phone conversation, Neda took many photos...

Cast of Characters part 2

2007-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

Pictures!!

Ahang and Kehan

Rachel and Nima. Rachel proving that Pink might very well rule the world in the game of RISK! (If you can see all the green on the board...yeah, that's me!...surrounded by ahangs pieces...)
Renan, Lev and Nima play Texas Hold'em. The big winner...Nima! Don't believe it? Look at the number of chips that man had!

Yes, that game night was a happy time for all of us...full of friendly vying and nachos, pink and blue armies and baklava, people we knew and strangers...

Ann Arbor, Ikea, and all things new

2007-01-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

I live in Ann Arbor now. It is a fun college town with so much to do, talk about a severe contrast to davison/flint michigan. I am going to be moving into Jane's basement. We are converting it to my very own apartment!

SO I went to Ikea for my new stuff! Yay!! I swear that I got a headache as soon as i walked in. But I got some neat stuff for just $75!!!

Alright, there is a new cast of characters.

Jane: The woman I live with! She is a flight attendant for Spirit Airlines and has a daughter named Anya. Jane does dance and lots of art.

Anya: She is 4.5 and is active! She was not sure how she felt about me living with her, but after spending 5 days at Louhelen she came home and let me know that "i missed you. I missed you so much. SOO much." You may call me : Madeline, conquerer of hearts!

Megan: neighbor and confidedant of the jane/anya/madeline family. She is a dance healer and is just a lovely lady!

Mario: Megan's son who is 4.5. He is half persian so I am teaching him some farsi phrases. Anya and Mario are "brother" and "sister" and make sure everyone knows.

Char: Fantastical youth who is going to the University. She and I have many adventures and funnily enough most of those encounters include observing different running styles. We have noticed that running with backpacks is really in vogue.

Ahang: The friend who I go to long lengths for and who does the same for me. These amazing feats include but are not limited to driving someone to the mall at 11:00pm, driving someone to airport at 5:00 am, helping each other move in...you get the idea...i think.

Lev: So happy to find out that he was living here! I met him in Chicago and now we are both living here! Yay! He is the person I meet with to say "i want to serve!!!" and he says "booyah!!" or some such simliar phrase.

Cast of Characters part 2 will be coming once they get developed more.

it's about forgiveness

2006-11-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

But I think it's about forgivenessForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore
-Don Henley

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

-India Arie

In my silence I would love to forgetBut restitution hasnt come quite yetAnd with one accord I keep moving forthI stretch my heart to heal some moreIt used to be all I want to learnWas wisdom trust and truthBy now all I really want to learnIs forgiveness for youAs my seasons change Ive now grown to knowWhen ones heart creates, ones soul doesnt oweSo I wash away stains of yesterdayThen tempt my heart with loves display
-collective soul

I'll forgive you
But you really hurt me
My heart wants to try us again
I know your only human
But you almost destroyed me
-Bobby Valentino

To look always at the good and not at the bad. If a
man has ten good qualities and one bad one, to look at the
ten and forget the one; and if a man has ten bad qualities
and one good one, to look at the one and forget the ten.

(Dr. J.E. Esslemont, Baha'u'llah and the New Era)

“Are you happy with the speakers that were chosen? Are you happy with all the facilitators?” he asked me.
I knew who he was really asking about and in this crowded room full of activity I began answering him.
“I don’t agree with some things she does. I dislike some choices that she makes. But I am happy that she will be a facilitator. She has accomplished a lot, she has done so much, she has had so many great experiences that I think she will contribute a lot to the weekend. Yes, I am happy with who the facilitators will be” My companion nodded and said something else on this topic but it was drowned out by my vision. I had turned my head and saw her. There she was, right around the corner in the hallway, dressed from head to toe in white and she had heard every word I had said. Her eyebrows narrowed, her brow wrinkled as well as her nose, but surprisingly this look was not a look of disgust meant for me. It was one targeted towards herself. Her face then softened slightly and was instead abashed. She hurried a way and I knew at once it was to release tears.

this was a dream. it came to me a couple of nights ago and i haven't been able to stop thinking of it since.

my days

2006-11-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

How many times must you degrade someone? How often will you let your words sting? With your look, you set off a thousand pains and your tone of voice disturbs me. I am not meant to be subjected to hate, but then, who in this world is? Twist my thoughts against me and prove to everyone my lack of worth. Displeasure seeps out of your every action and I am hurt. Somehow it feels that if I were to succeed it would make you angrier still, I question why. This conceited belief of superiority hovers over the door. When I kneel down to pray I block out the roar of this artificial life and lend my ear to the melodies of my Beloved. He will keep me safe, I take one step closer to Him and He will hold me close while the words echo in my mind… “Do men think when they say 'We believe' they shall be let alone and not be put to proof?”

2006-10-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

a contact lense slipping behind the eye which nearly leads to the ER

a steamy shower setting off a fire alarm that brings three fire trucks to our doors

We can't help but ask...

"Alright Baha'u'llah...what are you trying to tell us?"

A Perfect Evening Marred

2006-10-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

After several stressful days (or in some of our cases weeks), Navva, Seowah and I decided to have a girls night. And this meant we were going to go all out. We were going to listen to music, do our nails, and even eat cookie dough ice cream. With all of these goodies we felt we couldn't contain it to just ourselves. We invited Corinne and Sarah, two girls who live on campus ages 15 and 8 respectively. I had to run out and get rat food first and on our way back we stopped at a gas station to pick up the ice cream. (I miss having a grocery store a couple blocks away)

It was just Sarah and I who were going to get the ice cream, leaving Navva and Corinne to listen to music in the car. We hopped out of the car and I held my hand out for her to hold on to it and we skipped/danced our way to the door. I saw a guy in a car looking at me in an unsavory way so I hurried us along. I took a bit longer than I normally would have to give the young man time to have driven off. We emerged from the gas station, Sarah triumphantly holding my hand as if to show the world how she did it, she mangaed to elcit an invitation from the big girls for an evening of fun. I was more timid, a feeling that was intensfied by spotting the man, now joined with a friend.

"Hey sweet thing!" the first one called at me. My face burned crimson. My hands shook as I fumbled with my keys, my back facing them as I opened the car door. "Nice view!" They hooted. My face held a look of swift arriving anger and as quickly as that look came, those two offenders drove off. I sat in my car with these three spiritual sisters of mine and a number of things floated to my mind. Being the oldest one there, I feel naturally responsible for the others. It is what Reed would call my mother hen mind set. I look in my rear view mirror and see Sarah. Her eyes are rounded with fear and concern. We start driving. "Sarah, what just happened is not okay." I use a firm voice. "If something like that ever happens you need to let your mom or Corinne know, alright?" She nods her head.

For the rest of the night, that event is on my mind. I think of my sister's post similar to what happened. More than anything I wish I would've reacted. Had time to react. I would have turned to them and said,"What gives you the right to say those things to me? What is it that makes you feel entitled to say that in front of that little soul? She is somebody's baby girl. I am somebody's baby girl. Would you want those unwanted looks to fall on your sister? For those comments to reach your girlfriend's ears? Would you not blush if your mother were present?"

So I lay a challenge at your doorstep. Before making a comment, before giving a look, see your sister, your brother, that person's parents in that body. Ask yourself how these people who you love would feel if such an action was imposed on them.

Know thou, O handmaid, that in the sight of Baha, women are accounted the same as men, and God hath created all humankind in His own image, and after His own likeness.
Abdu'l-Baha

2006-09-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hey. This is my heart right now. Full of all of you. If you cannot find yourself then A) you haven't looked hard enough B) I did not have a readily accessible picture of you but still love you very much. My prayers are with you.

love. love. always love.

classic

2006-09-10T05:57:00.000-07:00

the first person to say happy birthday to me was Linda Coulter-Jones. How fantastic! Then I got an email from my mom...And then....from borders! haha. It really made me laugh. David, shiraz, Eli, and Chris were masterful and got me a sugar-free cake complete with pink frosting ("because you're a girl" Shiraz informs me the next day) I helped clean up the kitchen after saturday night and since I stayed till after midnight, Eli and Shiraz were official the first to wish me well on the day of my birth. Then Eli ran and got a special ice cream dessert thing and told me just to have one bite...which I did...so good! my birthday turned out to be quite fantastic. the youth took me out to a second dinner, we rented two movies, and while we were driving around I decided I wanted to smoke a cigar to celebrate. We drove to a gas station and got those oh so crappy cigars. made me think of cait, andrew, richard and gen. what good times we had.

we watched both movies that night. good birthday. My presents included such wonderous things as a mini ipod, a cd, and tickets to a vienna teng concert. that's right, my birthday's theme was music. booyah!

today I went to a yoga class and it was fantastic! I mean, really really good!! You see, I hadn't done yoga in a while but as soon as the class started I could feel my body loosening up and tension being massaged out of my muscles. Afterwards the instructor came up to me and said,"I can tell that you've been doing yoga for a long time" and I thought about it. I started doing yoga when I was 13 or 14. I guess that is a while. at the end, she massaged some essential oil on the back of our necks. It was really intense and made me feel really energized. I felt like I had become remade, ready to be put into my world of tests. The world of reality. Then we had tea and fruit. I signed up for 2 months unlimited which means I can go as often as I want for one low price!

I would like to end by saying two things:

First!!! Thank you to the following people (in no particular order)

Afsaneh
Curtis
Georgia
Kersten
Nick
Lau
Erin

For your contributions to my project. Remember, I still need yall's help! So please send me beads or charms. It has been so exciting to see how this project is going to come together. Help me make it happen!!

Secondly...

BEST BIRTHDAY MONTH EVER!

note: i started this post on my birthday but didn't come back to finish it until sept. 16th.

the much un-anticipated update

2006-09-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

things that have happened:

i got a pet rat. her name is may.
i can now say that i have driven, as in actually sitting in the driver's seat, for 15 hours in one day. woohoo!!

Now, several people have expressed interest in those I am serving with. Here is my description of them...in the order of their departure.

Nava: Nava is the youth who trained me in the ways of the office. She was only here for about a week while I was here. She was lots of fun. A bit crazy. We found out while playing apples to apples that we think a lot alike. Those of you who have played the game can see how lucky that was for our pointage. Nava lives in Ann Arbor now and the remaining youth here are detrimined to go and visit.

Neda: Neda left August 9th with Farid, Hamid, and Rob. She was able to give me lots of advice and soothe many worries. She seemed to be able to read just what it was I was thinking. I was sad to see her go.

Farid: He was the first youth who I met on that thunderous night. He was always so kind and loving towards me and always managed to make me laugh with ridiculous stories! On their last night, all the youth went to archies (not nearly as awesome as chubby's) and ate tons of food! During that time, Farid was able to give me lots of advice. Very lovely.

Rob: Rob, oh Rob. I met Rob a while ago at a Y.O.U. retreat at Darajun's. We both recongized each other but didn't say anything about it for a few days. A bit awkward. I miss how randomly Rob would burst out into laughter.

Hamid: Ahh, Hamid! Funny how close we became in such a short while. I miss him so much. He is fantastic. We had crazy times and have so many funny goals to achieve together. We have the same sleep number...but Hamid sucks at life...

Nick: This guy broke his arm in his first month of being at Louhelen. I took him to get his cast off, quite a momentous occassion...that arm stank up the room when that cast came off!! phew!! Nick and I had some adventures..mostly trying to find the elusive rite-aid that this darn witch (who was obsessed with graveyards "ooh! a graveyard?!") was hiding from us.

Hector: Hector. How I miss thee. I am hoping so badly that he really is going to be coming back in december. We tried to find the Eggleston's gravesite and failed rather horribly. We did get sore feet though, and some great photos of roadkill. Also, Hector always had an Ernie with him, oh Ernie. Always getting into trouble! Two things I love about hector: He always made his food into a piece of art. Honestly, you almost didn't want him to eat it it was so nice. Secondly, I made a joke (those of you who know me well, can really appreciate this, it was one of those jokes where I only say half of what i'm thinking) and hector paused...and then laughed!! he laughed! he got it!!! i was so shocked and happy. Oh! We also went into a fireplace store together. That was weird.

Melody: My two most potent memories of Melody are her singing constantly and her climbing a tree and falling on her feet and tumbling over onto her bum. quite a classic moment.

Lua: Lua and I bonded like none otha! We even share a shirt (ooh...i really need to send that!). we made a list of things we need to do together some of which includes: going to shiraz's wedding and sharing an apartment. On her last night we made mac&cheese, popcorn with cinnamin (bad call, don't ever do that!) and watched two movies. Movies that we didn't start until 11:00 pm. Then we talked until very very early in the morning. Resulting in a 3.5 hour sleep. rock on!

Amanda: Amanda! Turns out Amanda andI have been going to the same conference for about 4 years and never realized it. Now we have a book club together. She loves David Bowie and the Princess Bride. I miss that girl.

Cheyne: The eligable bachelor. Cheyne was my partner in crime in the office. It was really nice even if he just did come in on the weekends. He was a big help. He grew up in St. Lucia so he has a sweet accent. I'm sad that tomorrow is his last day. I want him to come back. Hopefully he will.

Chris: Um. Yeah, I don't even know what to say about this guy. Literally...hm. Well, he really likes to see me blush, because apparently right before I blush I make this hilarious face. But whatev! I made him blush today. ha!

Eli: Eli...he is very nice to me and likes to call me Mad-lion. He often asks me what the lion ever did to me...how do I respond to this? I do not trust Eli's taste in movies at all. His choices must be confirmed by Chris. Eli was born and raised in Israel. Good times. Well...so I've heard...

Athol: The tall Jamaican. Great tag-lines of his. "Thats so stupid!" "Ah, so annoying!" I love his sense of humor, its the best. And we can relate on different levels, which is nice. His dances!! Those are the best!!!!!!

Seowah: My roommate. We have a theme song...but I can't remember what it is...at all...we have lots of plans to knit lots during the winter. Sometimes I think I am too crazy for her. hmm..probably because I am crazy.

2006-08-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

“The secret of happiness is the determination to be happy always, rather than wait for outer circumstances to make one happy.”

8:00-fall out of bed, throw on some pants and a button up shirt, this is my daily charade of acting like i am dressed for the day. eat food.

9:00-devotions, sit in back so no one will hear me singing.

9:30-go to session, sit in back so no one is disturbed in case i have to leave/work/run errands, usually to target/relax, this means reading and listening to music, possibly doing laundry

12:00-make phone calls to make time go by before lunch

12:15-12:30-lunch, huzzah! time for my gross dandelion tea. maybe we will have the best veggie patties in the world!!!! for serious, so good.

2:30-work/relax (sometimes both)

6:00-dinner! yay for fruit plates and salad.

11:00-dorm, if there is a session i must scurry to room 111B lest i get caught by john or lewylln/hang out with youth

1:00-1:30-go to sleep after talking with Seowah

repeat as needed

cars, bandages, cards, photos, races, runners, planes, towels, dreams, regrets, hopes

2006-07-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

Your voice lacked any defintion of tone
yet it called me back into reality
my heart beat for the adventure of reading your name
and my blood rushed to my heart thinking of whispered words
that held so much meaning for a young one's mouth
words that had been waiting to be heard
I drove up to a foregin country that was in my home
for one moment I did exactly as I didn't want to
Proof that I am.
i lay my head down, my eyes barely closed
'you are on the roller coaster' he would have me convinced
everything blurs into to red
and at once i am lost in my self
fingers aching to be united with brushes that will tie into paint that will fall onto canvas
I make do with a reciept and you
and as i write this I can't help but know I have read this before

the server.

2006-06-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

i came the closest to luke wilson i think i shall ever come in my entire life. you see i was eating on the plaza with my mom, we went into the classic cup (the one so famous for once serving richard, shea, and caitlin).

our server was none other than luke wilson!!!!!!!!! well, okay, a luke wilson look a like, sound a like, and the like...um...too many likes? oh well.

needless to say our server was pretty intense and hilarious.

Nothing but my mind leaking

2006-06-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

someday i wish to hear a quote that has come from your mouth

someday i will tie your shoe and it will stay tied

someday you will drive five and a half hours to see me and it will be just as awkward

once in a while it will feel like i'm on a roller coaster, even when i'm just sitting with you

once in a while you will miss me

i regret you don't have my shoes

i regret that i ripped it up

if anyone ever finds digimon socks, please, send them my way. i love my digimon socks. i would like to love two pairs even more.

quote of the night "it kinda smells like vomit."

after i left the river trembled

2006-05-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you.
Heraclitus

After this past weekend I had something all worked out to say to explain how i felt, then i realized i could not translate those thoughts into words.

I played volleyball for the first time in...four years? i forgot how much i love that game.

sarah and i canoed! and were just like these two happy campers, except...ya know, both girls...and we zig-zagged all over the river which made everyone laugh.

We expolred a cave before we ate lunch. It was really dark and very beautiful in a cave like way. As we were getting into our canoe...it slipped away from me and i fell into the water. I wanted a nice swim anyway....

Told not so spooky ghost stories and jokes around a campfire in several different languages. Made good connections all over the map.

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.
Norman Maclean

This is it.

2006-05-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it was the sun setting on one half of the world to rise on the other side, this past weekend, so pregnant with possibilities, with outcomes.

I arrived at Kansas Baha'i School knowing I would hit the ground running. Literally. As soon as the car door opened I grabbed an armful of supplies and hurried to set up for the weekend event that would start in thirty minutes. Thad was by my side and we quickly* set up the banners that were to be used as decorations and tried to involve the two kids (one was 5 one was 2) in helping us. Once people arrived Thad and I led them in song and then in a pictionary game. Any one familiar with the phrase "friendly vying?" oh yeah.

While craziness was going on inside the room, I saw someone walk past the door and my head buzzed. It was someone who I had known for...wow...6, maybe more years. But in this past year they had ceased to be a child. They were becoming my peer. My eyes met Afs', we nodded our silent agreement-things would be different.

that night my room (sarah, anisa, afs, and sahba) sat up talking, at 12:30 we decided we should go to sleep, at 1:30 we were still up. Perfect since service was needed again. I needed to go to someone else's cabin to be there for their kids while the parents went to the hospital, asthma attack. scary.

I felt so visible, I felt people were overly aware of my person. I walked through the dining hall and got stopped. I got thanked for things anyone would have done. I got hugs, I got tears. It was hard.

I cannot express everything that happened. The little girl who merely needed me as a shield to eating dinner with her hero. Dancing at devotions one morning after a moving night-- Realizing the process was the reason it had happened, so that I would have family in michigan. Having my heart flood with pride for the junior youth. Seeing Zach. The warmth I felt seeing Thad being a mentor. Anisa modeling for the children. The words, the looks, the promises. Lost eye glasses....not sunglasses. Trying to live each moment so that when i was gone I could take memories out and look at them. With everything we attempted to do, is it a surprise we had a crazed drive home with four dehydrated youth?

Eternity has nothing to do with the hereafter... This is it... If you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere. The experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life. Heaven is not the place to have the experience; here's the place to have the experience.
Joseph Campbell

2006-04-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

and there i am. im in the zone. i am thinking of the right combination, my hair comes undone with my frustration and i run my hand over my mouth, forgetting the paint that is smeared on my fingers. my cheeks puff out, my feet tap, my left eyebrow always itches. the paintbrush is forgotten though still in hand, my palm, fingernails, and knuckles become so much more important in this game of me versus the paint. there is no ending until either i vanquish my dissatisfaction or it vanquishes me. it is not about being the artist. about being the painter, creator. it is about being the transformer. being changed by this painting. and in the end i am comforted.

Painting is an attempt to come to terms with life.
George Tooker.

Clickable

2006-04-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

the only way i can think of how to describe how i am feeling is clickable. or maybe i should say that i feel re-clicked. I was a train set that needed to be clicked together.

or maybe i was a disc in a back being pushed back into place.

Whatever i was, i was not click chocolate from israel, because that doesn't really click into place....

Anyway. I'm moving in august. August 1st.

SPRING BREAK: part III

2006-03-31T09:03:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else think its pretty crazy that I can have all these spring break experiences without actually having a spring break?!

I went to minnesota for a dean's reception at the university. My whole visit was rockin, a late naw ruz party, a couple nights with aaron, adrian, mayda, ice cream, got to see mona before i left! and since I was going to go to Ohio to visit miami I knew my decision for which college i was going to would be really hard.

I was wrong. Miami is not a good fit for me. and not just cuz i got snubbed by those girls. Its a great school...just not for me.

Point of the Story: I am going to the University of Minnesota!!

ps. looked for houses with my parents in kentucky and ohio.

SPRING BREAK: part II

2006-03-22T13:50:00.000-08:00

Kent came to visit. nuff said. well....maybe not. the plaza was visited, there were cocktail parties , devotions, fasting and naw-ruz. and sonic...so much sonic.

SPRING BREAK: part I

2006-03-13T17:17:00.000-08:00

It was saturday and I was off work, good thing too since zane and devon were coming into town at noon.
I was planning on taking them to the plaza and its surronding areas. I got a message from them at 12:10 saying they were just leaving. Blast!
So instead that evening we went to downtown overland park and then broke the fast together. brent, a student at JCCC who is doing a report on the Baha'i faith, showed up soon after.
We tried our best to answer his questions and ate lots of gum...well, chewed a lot of gum. After devotions some of us watched a horrible movie called the gingerdead man.
SUNDAY morning we woke up for the fast. We decided to go back to sleep but soon after were awoken by tornado sirens, we ran downstairs and the joke among the youth that the johnson's have everything and anything in their basement is true, we had four airmattresses for us to sleep on.
then a belated feast, sheridans, sonic, and the parts of the gingerdead man, for amusement of those who had not the displeasure of seeing it the night before.

2006-03-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

the thing about love is...you cannot just say "i love you" once and expect it to stay put. you have to say it. and say it. and say it. because though the meaning may not, the words wear away.

so what do you do when the object of your affection cannot comphrend your words? if you are me. you panic. and search and rack your brain for a way that you can have those words stay with them forever. i wish i could write it on their heart so that when they grow hopeless or any form of sadness, their heart will glow with the knowledge of my love.

i become irrational. i think of where i could hide a note he would find when he was mature enough to understand those three simple yet complex words. how could he know i didn't abandon him? how can he know that he is with me always?

it was my love that cradled him for eleven hours, for eight days. my love that hydrated him, helped his fever down, rushed him to the doctor. it was my love that embraced him that first time he was sick. and he will not remember. he will never know.

2006-03-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

show yourselves!

2006-03-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

I'm talking at my future.
The possible turns my life could take. I am sitting here, and I have no idea where I will be in 5 months. And i feel as if i should be a lot more worried than i am.

i don't know where i am going to school or where i am going to go serve. and i don't know for sure which comes first. and i'm not writing this for advice. to be perfectly and precisely honest that's the last thing i want.

Strange Satistics

2006-02-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

Number of people who think i should try for the 2008 summer olympics in track: 2

Number of people who think i look like mandy moore: 5

Number of people who think i look like alicia witt: 1

Number of people who call me Kayla because they think I look like some actress by that name: 1

Number of times i have allowed myself to fill out a survey type thing on my blog: never...that is until now. sorry, but my brother tagged me!

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Baby-sitter extraordinaire, did this for 5-6 years before getting a "real"job. 2. server, cashier, "chef" and manager at Nature's Table Cafe 3. Cashier at Target 4. Nanny for two weeks...oh man...so painful
FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. The 'Burbs 2. Pride and Prejudice (old one, I'm talkin Colin Firth)3. Love Actually-i have to admit it 4. Donnie Darko
FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:
1. mother--sorry all, but i really haven't lived in very many different places 2. Pairie Village, Kansas 3.Overland Park, KS 4. Can I please please count the month I was in Arizona??!?otherwise i don't get four!!
FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE BUT WON'T ALWAYS ADMIT
1. The Simpsons 2. Friends 3. Arrested Development 4. Grey's Anatomy(I usually never admit to this)
FOUR PLACES I'VE VACATIONED
1. Israel 2. Sand Lake, Minnesota, braved sand monsters and all 3. Disneyland and the huge trip driving there which included Grand Canyon and lots of camping. and yes. corn. oh the corn. 4. San Diego
FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES:
1. spinach pasta 2. this one persian dish that grandma always makes for me...sadly can't eat it anymore what with being a veg-head 3. Falfel 4. mashed potatos and broccoli. This isn't a dish you say...oh, but isn't it?
FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY:
1. gmail.com 2. myspace- i hate admitting that 3. every once in a while my blog and my friendst blogs 4. friendster-hate admitting that too!! but i don't go there every day either..phew...feel a little better
FOUR PLACES I WISH I COULD BE RIGHT NOW:
1.One more car trip with my family, you know, those really awful crampt car trips? that takes days and days....2. Minnesota, the lake, with family. best thing ever. 3.Chicago. I love my brother. oh. and my many many friends that live up there. 4. the sewer!! hahahahhaha betcha didn't see that one coming!!
FOUR BLOGGERS I'M TAGGING:
1. Robbie, i don't know if he's been tagged, but he has been now 2. Sarah!because i want to tag her. 3. Zane, I am interested in what he will say. 4. Afsaneh. Bwahahahahahahahahhaha. come on, it's afsaneh!! the answers she will have...ohh...man.

Mini Conference

2006-01-29T17:41:00.000-08:00

The mini conference everyone is talking about!

Where: Johnson County Community College in Overland Park Kansas, there will be signs up friday night indicating where to go for check in around the college. please remember check in begins at 5:00 and the program starts at 8:00.

When: Feb 24th-26th

Why: To re-fuel and revolutionize

Who: Youth and young adults (must be 15 or older to attend)

What: An INTENSE spiritual weekend

Begins Friday evening, check in begins at 5:00 pm, dinner will not be provided, program starts at 8:00 pm sharp.

Ends Sunday at 1:00 pm. A Johnson County Community Ayyam'i'ha party will follow, any youth who would like to attend are more than welcome to!

Prepare yourself for an intense weekend of study, service, and inspiriation.

We are doing everything in our power to make this a free conference, however, one lunch on sunday may need to be purchased by indivduals.

Registration has ended.

Things to bring:

1. Bedding

2. Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc)

3. a towel

4. a prayer book

5. $20

6. Good attitude!

Number of people registered: 52

Minis

2006-01-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

OK. People are fans of mini versions of things. Don't believe me?

mini m&ms <<<

mini cooper>>>

<<< mini muffins

and mini animals>>>

Why not be a fan of a mini conference?

coming to kansas city feb. 24-27th

2006-01-08T21:17:00.000-08:00

So. In the past month some things have changed. I graduated high school on December 21st and started working full time at Target. Yeah, that's right.

When I tell people that I've graduated from school and am working they smile and say,"Welcome to the real world" and I give a small laugh and nod. What I am actually thinking is,"I'm not in the real world. I'm pretending to be in the real world. I don't have to worry about paying rent, electricity, car payments, etc. I, Madeline Eileen Johnson, am a poser."

I have had some amusing times at work thus far. Here are my top 4 favorites.

1. A guy friend came over to my lane to let me know he'd be right back to give me a break, I had been helping out an older lady at the time. I turned to give her her change and one of the coins fell from my hand. "Whoops!" I said. "He made you all flustered didn't he?" She asked. I looked at her, confused. "OOh! I'm not going there! I haven't been there in 51 years!" Huzzah

2. I asked a mom if she wanted her milk in a sack. She looked confused momentarily and then said no. Her young son then asked her,"What does milk and sex mean?" She then explained that they were from Minnesota and did not use the word sack.

3. A young girl named Fatimah said hi to me, then blew me a kiss and then told me she loved me, all under the first 10 seconds of our meeting. It was really quite precious.

4. Got a job offer as a nanny while cashiering

Fammer

2005-12-06T16:03:00.000-08:00

In the fall, I went to visit friends in Arizona…actually, once I arrived in Arizona it was summer again. However, that’s hardly the point of this. The point is in fact that my friend and I were going into Target when we saw an elderly couple walking to their car.
My friend suddenly exclaimed, “I can’t wait to get old!” I laughed at her because it was such a Sarah-like outburst. She looked at my sideways and defended her statement, “I mean…I can wait, the stuff in the middle will be tons of fun! But it will be good to be old, you know?” I nodded because I did know. I knew exactly what she meant.
“Yeah, it won’t be like regular people getting old,” I said, assuring her I did in fact appreciate what it was she was saying. She nodded eagerly.
“You see couples sometimes,” she started with enthusiasm, “and it’s like they have just run out of things to say.”
“Totally,” was my only reply.
“But we, oh man. We have the Universal House of Justice! And they will keep giving us plans! And we will NEVER even be able to run out of things to talk about!”
“Yeah, and you know how old people seem to get lonely or feel useless? Well, we will always have people over, no matter what, for study circles, for devotions, for travel teachers to stay at our house!” I said, getting caught up in the conversation.
Meanwhile we were passing aisles and aisles of customers who I am sure had no idea what to make of these two teenage girls in their shirts that stated, “Join the Revolution” and “Stand Back! I’m changing the World!” who were also speaking so emphatically.
“Yeah, but we may not even have travel teachers anymore by then.” My friend pointed out.
I nodded and said, “Good call, good call…but people will still travel teach in a different way, don’t you think? To share their stories or artistic talents with other communities, jazz ‘em up and all that.”
“True story,” Sarah agreed.
We both grew silent as I picked out my toothpaste.
“You know what?” I asked her.
“What?” she asked, her head tilted in that oh-so-Sarah way.
“I want to be a travel teacher when I get old, with my husband.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, I want to get an RV, (they will be solar powered by then so I wouldn’t feel bad about wasting gas cuz I wouldn’t be wasting any) and we’d just travel teach. ‘Honey, I made you a tuna sandwich, it’s in the cooler when you get hungry but don’t have it until we are at least through Iowa because you know otherwise…’” And we both laughed at the fake conversation with my future husband which somehow involved a Minnesotan accent.
We were silent again.
“Why’d you pick tuna?” she asked me.
“I dunno…because I don’t like it…so I assume my husband will…you know, opposites attract and all that.”
“Oh, yeah, duh.”
And that was it, that was our conversation in that strange season of fall/summer. Hmm…maybe we should call it fammer…

Blast...it's over

2005-11-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

It was starting to feel like the old days.

maybe not quite covered wagon times. but almost.

it was nice to have the family together. and you know what? i am stoked about my future!

next month alone is going to rock faces off. the 21st is when i graduate.

then we take a little jump into a break where my brother will come home, ben and nick brightwell will come and visit and where i will finally go and visit chicago with the girls.

woot woot!

then we can enter the fun world of working full time and worrying about where to serve and where to go to college a little more.

the world feels like a happy place!

A victorious return to Starbucks!...almost...

2005-11-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

That's right. I was brave enough to go back to Starbucks after stealing the police man's coffee...possibly because it was a different location, or because i told my friend i would meet him there.

The setup! I enter starbucks a few minutes after 3:00. It's crowded, there is a not a seat anywhere. I approach the counter get my mocha all is well. my friend should come any moment. but he doesn't. about 25 minutes pass, i would call him but 1) feel like i should be more paitient 2) since people were coming over for dinner they kept calling to ask questions.

Finally, he calls me.

"Where are you"
"At starbucks..."
"Me too."
"which one are you at?"
"you told me the one on the plaza..."
"oh. yeah. there are two."

okay, how cliche is that?! we met at the wrong starbucks. I feel like i belong in a Christopher Guest film.

the ride to chipolte

2005-10-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

My sister and I are driving to Chipolte and I start ranting about how stupid and weird it is how they have people in their late 20's playing highschoolers. It's bad enough to do that for a movie...but a tv show is even worse I think. So we decided that to solve that problem they should make these shows about COLLEGE! because you can ALWAYS go back to college...no matter what your age, so we (the audience) will believe that these people in their later 20's are in college...because it happens.
Then I started coming up with actors that they could have in these shows. Kirk Douglas. Yes, that was one of my ideas but only because I couldn't remember Robert Redfords name. My sister and I thought this was very funny and decided if these two fellows were in these shows...they would just be talking art classes or yoga. Can you imagine a more exciting tv show????

Starbucks...and other evil things

2005-10-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

I like Starbucks. Let me just say that from the start. However, if i have the choice between starbucks and an independently owned coffee house...i pick the latter.

Well, I had a nice little adventure while in Tucson Arizona. Sarah and I were on our way to a good friend's going away party. We knew the party would go late and since my body was in a time zone two hours later...we thought we should get some coffee before heading out. We go to starbucks. Now, I am wearing my "Join the Revolution Shirt" and sarah is wearing her "Stand back! I'm changing the world shirt!" Great combo when out in public, right? Haha.

So the barista asks us what we are fighting for. We both laugh and mention the baha'i faith. Sarah orders. He says he has a friend who is a Baha'i but doesn't know a lot about it. I order. He asks if I will explain it to him. A cop comes up behind me and the other barista says, "The usual?" he nods. Anyway, I start talking about the baha'i faith when a cup of coffee is placed in front of me.

This is where my brain shuts off. So caught up in my conversation...I reach down for the coffee, not even realizing that I ordered an ICED coffee and this was CLEARLY hot. I lifted it to my lips and did the thing I ALWAYS do with hot coffee, i blew in it. As soon as I do I realize my mistake...that this isn't my coffee. That this is the police man's coffee. and i have just blown in it.

great.

All Settled

2005-10-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, Andrew put me back on his list, Sarah is on mine and Caitlin is updated. All is well in blog world.

Yesterday I went shopping at whole foods. This can make one happy, but to make one even happier!!!! i bought falafel, israel's official snack food. Look how yummy! Maybe for tonight we will make this for dinner. My grandfather and his wife are coming into town...i don't know how they would feel about this...

I also bought endangered speices chocolate! no, it is not chocolate made out of endangered species...it is chocolate that provides 10% of its profits to help endangered animals. Sarah,

Afsaneh and I all know and love the products.

This is a pretty boring post, but what do you want from me? I cannot remember how to post. But this is for cait...

I enjoyed the television program last night.

and this is for sarah...

we do all feel bad!! we love you sooooooooooooooooo much!!!!

and this is for everyone else...

Um. Tear!

2005-09-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

So I was on my brother's site when I noticed...he totally took me off his list of people. I am hurt. Is it because I haven't updated in several months? Probably, but still this is no excuse. I post this as a protest.

PUT ME BACK ON YOUR LIST BROSKI!!!

A better post will come once I am back on it and safe again.

Heaven on Earth

2005-06-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Rejoice! For I have found it!! The place where all of my money will be going!!!

look familiar? it should. it is a ben and jerry's scoop shop.

this of course is my favy!

but today i had the last straw.

Fundraising

2005-05-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am a fundraising fool!!! I have started to sell mark...yes, mark...it is an avon line of makeup for youth. As unlikely as that may sound...they are giving me 50% of whatever I sell which means a better chance that my lovely youth will be able to go to new horizons.

I also participated in a car wash.

Soap was also made and sold.

But nothing can compare with what is happening next. This saturday...at my house...there is going to be a....

SPA DAY!

Manicures, pedicures, makeovers, you name it...might...be there!! yeah. hopefully this will make us the hundreds of dollars needed. come...ya know...if you aren't too busy.

2005-05-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am almost expectant of hearing the doorbell ring and having Ed Mcmahon at my door, with one of those huge checks. He will let me in on the nation's largest practical joke ever...the SAT. Haha, as it turns out, he will tell me, the nation just wanted to freak you out about college with ap tests, sat, and act tests! they don't really mean anything, but if you take so many, you recieve $10,000 for college! Score!

But the bit of realism in me knows that if the doorbell does ring, it will be little Gabrielle down the street wanting to know if fluffy can play and, can she have something to eat?

If you are aware of Dante's Inferno, then you will understand when I say that this past week was lowest level hell week. I had four tests this week, two of them AP, I worked every night, was getting sick, had the SAT yesterday and was attempting to plan a meeting with the youth that fell through. Oh man. I have never felt so successful...oh wait. Yes I have.

Tonight we are having a Cluster Reflection meeting and I am all about it! Bring it on community!!! Show me what you got!!

Kansas Baha'i Spring School

2005-05-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

Some Favorite Moments include:

~Gross Gas station food~pigging out~sarah finally arriving~nose cloths~sherry in our room~the stain that wasn't really there~writing by flashlight~getting to know jane better with my girls~eating chocolates~toothpaste~the leopards~getting to know rob~ice tea~creamer~horses~archery~lots of little kids~watching adrienne play duck duck goose~beautiful tears~my hair feeling loved~the skit~knowing that it will be there next year!!!

Interesting Day

2005-04-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

It was an eventfully weird day. It all really started this moring with my dream.

See, my sister and I were driving in my car but she was the one driving. We were going to this place that I go to only in my dreams...it's like...a big library/store...okay, I'm not totally sure because I never go inside. But!! Yeah. So I walk my sister to the door and then turn back to find my car. Except since my sister parked the car, I obviously couldn't find it (yeah, i don't see the logic in it either). As I am walking I notice that the back of one of the people walking in front of me looks familiar. Then, I realize that it is Robbie. To make things weirder Chip was walking with him. And!!! As if that wasn't enough Greg's little brother (why am I blanking on his name?!). So, chip recognized me and tried to motion to robbie who was kinda in my way. Robbie looked back and goes,"oh, sorry!" and moves. He totally didn't know it was me. So i was trying not to laugh, and I asked chip if he could help me find my car. Then robbie realized it was me and then he disapeared. Then Sarah came and helped me find my car. I don't think i ever found it.

At school we didn't do much of anything because of the blood drive and I kept feeling badly that I could not give any of mine. Geez, i'm so selfish!

Then, when I got home from school I helped out with garage sale stuff (my Baha'i community is having a garage sale). Pretty soon we had three families over in a very stuffed garage.

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. I went to work. For the first hour and a half we barely had any customers so we just told jokes and got in food fights. Oh. And ate. Because we do a lot of that. Oh. And more stuff happened too.

The moral of this story is that...

I need to fill out more scholarship stuff.

Betcha didn't see that one coming!!!!

The Surreal Life

2005-04-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

One of the most beautiful feelings in the world to me, is feeling in control and capable of dealing with my tests. The weather is lovely, my summer is shockingly real, my friends are all happy shiney faces!

i like you guys!!

Blazoning as Fire

2005-04-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

My favorite moments are as follows

~The drive up, turning our car into a night club, hindi music and all!

~Afsaneh using the seat belt that had to twist all around her body so that she would be safer

~the way the sub goes

~meeting jess, amos, emily, adam

~making up songs

~waking up girls with songs...bwahahahaha!!

~rocking to omnisoul..and fort tabarsi, you ain't never heard this before!

~getting asked the question that would change my life.

~taking pictures of happy shiney luck star souls

~Shayan understanding the amazingness of super special wonderfulness

~our ancestors

~Super Special Wonderfulnes

~Drinking brown water with adam and shayan

~roasting marshmallows over candles

~singing a million and one songs

~talking with hannah

~talking with sarah

~talking with kristin, afsaneh, kelsey, kersten

~MILK!!!

~ teaching sina KC lingo

~i love you all

~i love you all some more

~and a bit more

ps. pictures to come soon!

My Family

2005-03-22T21:21:00.000-08:00

A family photo album inspired by Afsaneh.

A family within a family. Too bad Noah's head is cut off!

The little kid.

The party animal!

The ladies man.

The singer.

The fashion conscious.

the beautiful.

Here ends the album, NOT my family.

Top Ten

2005-03-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

Spring break. Hm. Can you even call it spring break if it is not spring yet? I suppose so because we do it.

1.Yeah, so I was surprised Sunday night with Kent's arrival and even though I was freaked out for a good half hour, I had a great visit with him.

2.I really like Kari. Or...Carrie...she is crazy and fun. Totally awesome to be giving me advice on stuff. yeah. way awesome.

3. Noah's concert!! i really am liking his new band. you all should check it out.

4. pink hoodie girl, because she makes me laugh.

5. lovely lovely youth

6. phish food

7. the shins

8. singing

9. movies yet to watched

10. communication. yes. beautiful beautiful communication.

Things that make my psuedo spring break wonderful and great. and a little crazy.

gracefully disappear

2005-03-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish that if need be,
I could
disappear without upsetting the way things were around me.

I wish that I could extract myself
and if anyone noticed,
it would not be a big enough disturbance to cry out about it, whether postively or negatively.

If I were this way I feel I could run! Fall down!
Skin my knees and NOT care
I would be careful only for my soul's protection

I just want you all to know...you guys are my left liver!!

2005-03-03T15:27:00.001-08:00

Okay, so my blog won't let me put all these pictures in one post! But here they are!

who is this? oh yeah, vienna! teng!!

2005-03-03T15:27:00.000-08:00

Greg

2005-03-03T15:24:00.001-08:00

Afs!

2005-03-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

Nas!

2005-03-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

Sarah!

2005-03-03T15:22:00.000-08:00

reaching for the pineapple...the picture they thought i wouldn't take!

2005-03-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

Myself, Genevieve, Afsaneh and Anisa, ready to bord the plane for NEBY Fest 2005!

Ayyam'i'ha

2005-02-27T14:52:00.000-08:00

I would like to start of by asking, is it sad that a two year old can whistle and I cannot? I agree.

Ayyam'i'ha has been very grand. Friday night there was a killer party!! Haha. The youth planned a party and a good number of people came.

After devotions and a lot of food the hindi, arabic and persian music was played and people began to dance. I always love to dance at Baha'i things...there is a different vibe there than at other dancing functions. There were games for the little kids which, even though they were in no way fancy, they enjoyed.

Saturday evening I went out to dinner with my brother. It was such a good time! We got Greek food and I confessed to him possibly my greatest fear...the 70's. Yes. The 1970's. I told him how it seems like the 70's was just filled with drugs, serial killers and cults. I think he was trying really hard not to make fun of me.

When I got back home, there were still guests from the devotionals my parents held. I chatted with them for a short while but then I got a phone call from Sara Marie. I really love this girl and miss her terribly. It was very nice to hear her voice and talk with her about Ayyam'i'ha and start to make plans to meet together soon.

I miss Hannah a lot. I am so excited that she is coming to visit from Germany. I feel like she has been away from home far too long. She is coming a day before Nebraksa School, so if she wants to we will go there. Then after that the mural project will be held and of course after that the Ethnic festival will be up in Grand Island. I know it's too early to be thinking of these things...but...I am just excited!

There are so many people that I wish I could see right now!! I just want to give so many of you hugs and then run off. Well..no...I'd like to talk with you also.

I really like the saying you learn something every day...and just in case you haven't learned anything yet...

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

In Idaho a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds. (keep this in mind around ayyam'i'ha shopping time)

In New York State, it is still illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car.

In Riverside, California, there is an old law on the city's books which makes it illegal to kiss unless both people wipe their lips with rose water.

The Giant cricket of Africa enjoys eating human hair.

Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions.

The lifespan of a squirrel is about nine years.

Tuatara lizards, from New Zealand, have two eyes in the center of their heads and a third one on top of their heads.

Giraffes can't cough.

All shrimp are born male, but slowly grow into females as they mature.

NEBY, music and other things of interest

2005-02-22T21:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone needs their life shaken up once in a while. Everyone needs their reality to be tested. Everyone needs to cry at beauty.

This past weekend I attended NEBY Fest. I had an amazing time and I think I really am still there. There was a lot of talk about love and the martyrs of our faith. It was moving. I was able to see some of the most amazing people I think I will ever know. There is one man who I have thought for quite some time is special and I always assumed the whole world had to agree. It wasn't until I saw him at the airport getting ready to leave yesterday that I realized no one around him knew how crazy amazing he is.

At the festival I heard great musical artists. I was able to hear and meet Omnisoul, a cool little band that swears they are going to come visit the midwest. Martin Kerr has a wonderful voice and Gen thinks his sound is the future of Baha'i artists. The performance that I was entrirely shaken by was that of Vienna Teng. She seems to have a truly lovely soul. She was very nice and open with us all and it was interesting to watch her performance evolve throughout the night. I can't really believe that I met her. Music soothes and gladdens my heart.

I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm overjoyed we're going to hang out tonight!

2005-02-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

"It's so great we're lovers of loving love!"

Last night was really great! About twenty two people were at the house for devotions. It was wonderful to hear a little voice in the middle of prayers saying, "kitty, kitty, kitty!" and seeing all these different people coming together to pray and just be together.

I sat a lot with Earfan and his friend Juan. I tried to speak a little spanish but too bad that I don't speak it very well. Oh well. I try. And having Thaddeus there!!!

I opened the door and he was standing there and I was in shock. I knew he was coming but seeing him there was really amazing still.

A great night. A great night all. And you are all invited to devotions again next saturday though I must warn you that Gen, Anisa, Caitlin, Andrew, Richard and myself will not be there. We will be at NEBY fest. Booyah!

Today

2005-02-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

Orange. Orange. And once again orange. People reminded me constantly today that I had orange hair. One girl asked me if I knew that my hair was orange. I assured her I did. She was then asked if she knew her hair was brown.

I realized again how if you are kind to someone how far that kindness can go...the same goes for rudeness and the like. Today when I was worrying about Helen and I slipped up on some orders some people were kind and forgiving, others were not. But this is the life that we live, is it not? Yes. It is. I beat you to the answer!! Ha!!

I hope you all will have marvelous weeks!! I am shooting for the best week ever!!!! yeah, that's right.

I sit and wait

2005-01-30T11:44:00.000-08:00

Last night was good. Having to put your trust in someone because there is no other place to put it is a nice feeling in a way.

Gen and I drove down Mastindale Drive, wherever that is. There were many curves in the road and it seemed to be going up hill so it reminded me of last winter in North Carolina.

I want to get everyone in one room, everyone that I love, and just have them all safe in this one room. I want us to be able to stay there all day with no obligations of having to go anywhere except maybe home for dinner. That would be nice I think, because you, whoever is reading this, would be there.

Its a lazy sunday and for those of you who know what that entails for my family, I invite you to have an equally lazy lame sunday evening.

"I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment." -Frances Farmer

The Scars

2005-01-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

If a conversation ever got too heavy, if someone got uncomfortable in a situation, if everyone needed a laugh, I had scars to fix the moment. I had forgotten about these scars until two nights ago but not until today did I check to see how they looked. They weren't there anymore. After over a year of having them on my lower back, my scars are gone. I was doing yoga in my room and while my room is not very nicely sized to be doing yoga, it had been working out for me for a long time. But this day I decided to try a move that I had not yet attempted. Well...not so smart I realized as I fell from the position and scrapped my lower back on my dresser. I just thought it hurt until I looked in the mirror and saw four cuts, they looked like little incisions. After cleaning them up I put on bandaids and then went to school in pain. Haha. What kind of dork gets hurt doing yoga?! I can tell you what kind. A melon dork.

Against All Odds

2005-01-11T15:48:00.000-08:00

O SON OF BEING!Busy not thyself with this world, for with fire We test the gold, and with gold We test Our servants.
Baha'u'llah

transform the soul

2005-01-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

my heart is not fully back in kansas yet. my mind drifts back and forth between haifa and what is now reality. i miss walking the terraces four times a day, even if my legs did ache a bit. i long to see the Shrine of the Bab again, to hear the silence that surounded it even as it was in the middle of a bustling city.

it was hard to imagine that Baha'u'llah, Abdul'-Baha, and Shoghi Effendi walked in the places we were walking. all of a sudden when you entered these homes They used to live in, you entered that time period. We entered into the cell of Baha'u'llah in Akka and I could not grasp the fact that Baha'u'llah had stayed in that room for 2 and a half years and then here I was...sitting on the same floor. we all knelt in prayer and as soon as we did the Islmaic Call to Prayer began. It was truly amazing, in the real sense of the word.

now to shock you all, i only cried three times. once at the sight of the sunroof Mirzah Mihdi fell through, once at the Beauty of the Bab and Baha'u'llah, once for the love of friend. my mind seemed to be in a constant state of prayer in Haifa. i never got used to everyone in Haifa knowing what the Baha'i Faith was.

Each and every one of you were in my thoughts and prayers while i was away. And i appreciate the ones that got me on and off the plane safely. i wanted to soak up every piece of beauty that i might be able to transfer it to you. i wanted to be able to say just one word and have you understand it all. I never understood the power of Allah'u'abha until i met people from all around the world, people with whom i could not communicate with other than the word of God.

I am back in America. Back in a materialistic country with so much anger, distrust and fights in its interior that is hard to imagine that good can come from it. But i hold out faith. And i pray.

"Shoghi Effendi has, through various channels, been hearing of the wonderful services you are rendering to the Cause. He sincerely trusts that the young and educated Bahá'ís, who have their spiritual faculties fully developed, and who as a consequence appreciate the significance of Bahá'u'lláh's mission in the development of the world, will with one accord, arise and establish the Kingdom of God upon the earth. The world around us is in a pitiable condition and its ills seem daily to increase. It is for us, we Bahá'í youths, who have been entrusted with this divine mission, to do our utmost and rest only when the task has been carried to its successful conclusion."
(Shoghi Effendi, The Light of Divine Guidance)

Another Word for Perfect

2004-12-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

I have chosen to make the most of my days and I feel as if I have succeded in the past few days. After devotions on Friday the youth went to a movie, National Treasure. It was a nice formula like start to the weekend which would catapult into a spiritual weekend of goodness!! Saturday was spent in intense study of Ruhi Book 4.

In the last half hour of this time four faces peered into the room in which we were studying. Two were Baha'is from Fiji, the other two were Baptists from Independence. Genevieve and I gave them a tour of the Baha'i Center and it made us both reflect on our community and the great opportunities open to us. Email addresses were given and recieved and bonds started.

Feast that evening was one of the most youth filled, eleven youth. We sang our hearts out as my brother played the guitar. After that uplifting evening our night began.

Richard, Genevieve, Caitlin, Andrew and I went to the plaza and walked around. It was a cold night but well worth it on account of the company.

But it is what we did right before that that you really want to know about. We took Richard to the crazyhouse. Pictures were taken and so now you can have a piece of the ectasy felt when visiting this house.

2004-12-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

The Kansas City Country Club Plaza downtown. We walked around, enjoying the lights and sights and sounds and....um...smells?

2004-12-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

Here's (from left) Genevieve (aka Star), Richard, Caitie and Andrew standing in front of the house. As you can see, we're feeling a little blue. HA!

2004-12-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

This is actually the garage, fully converted into a Santa's Workshop...that MOVES! Although the camera didn't capture it, try to imagine each and every little elf in this picture moving and swaying and working.

2004-12-13T13:48:00.000-08:00

Richard really digs the nativity scene...that MOVES!

2004-12-13T13:46:00.000-08:00

This is a gingerbread family...that MOVES!

Winter Delight

2004-12-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

You drive past the shopping area for thirty blocks. You enter a neighborhood from the 40's. You turn on a street with a bad name. All of a sudden you have entered another time, another place. You have entered into what I call, very lovingly, crazy house land. It is inhabited by a house with a roof covered with a 60's christmas scene. A house whose garage is now Santa's workshop with no glass in the windows so that donations can be made to the electric bill. The window pops open every five seconds and santa waves his hand with rudolph by his side. Where the living room window should be is a display of gingerbread men and candies, a trio of carolers line the hallway. In the mailbox are letters written to santa, wishing for different gifts with illustrations for clarification. The lawn is worn down to mud, and one has to wonder, how many feet have passed on this soil. How many people have looked up at this glowing house and smiled and laughed? A weathered face peers through the front door at the visitors on his property. He does not smile, does not wave or tell us to go away. He simply looks and nods and goes to sit in his house of lights, this child like dream that appears in real life once a year.

Contemplation Circles

2004-11-19T11:11:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t sure what to write after this past week and the only thing that brought me back to the keyboard was pressure from Gen. And having free time.

I keep wondering how people can live without faith. For me it would be near impossible to survive or at least, that is how it seems to me. Someone questioned my faith the other day. They asked me if I had any to get me through the hard spots in life. I told them that without faith I couldn’t get through them. They seemed to doubt me, or at least wanted to plant doubt inside me. “Are you sure?” the question kept coming. I’m sure.

One of the most beautiful things is seeing faith blossom in someone. To see the understanding of faith growing in their mind is amazing.

At the last feast we sang Hooray for the World. There is a line in that song, in case you are unfamiliar with it, that says, “Everywhere we go we have new friends to meet!” It is one of the last lines and after the song was done, or maybe while we were still on the last note, my little buddy Caiden cried out, “We do have new friends to meet everywhere!”

It’s moments like those that I realize I have faith. Or when I find myself praying in the middle of class or on my way to work.

"Faith is different from proof; the latter is human, the former is a Gift from God." –Blaise Pascal

I wonder if people cannot understand faith if they do not first have it…

Jolt of Joe

2004-11-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

As soon as I start thinking about my job, and the bad joe I have to serve, and how my life has turned boring, and how I am boring...I get a jolt. Of course that's the perfect time to get a reality check. How self centered am I? how awful? I feel the heart in me ripping apart. Multiply that by a thousand and maybe you will have the sound, the sensation about what pain is. But even a thousand seems to small, too insufficient.

I want to save you from these currents but I can't. I can't swim them well enough myself.

"Pain is only valuable once you know that you've learned from it."

The Way it Was

2004-11-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow spot into the sun –Picasso

I once had a friend tell me that a painting was not art. A painting is just a reflection of what one see's around them, he said. Then what is a picture? I asked. Ahh, a picture, and he smiled and told me that that is the artist's eye.